When the Family Report Isn’t in Your Favour: What Protective Parents Need to Know
You Did Everything “Right”
You stayed calm. You prepared. You told the truth.
And then the Family Report arrived — and it doesn’t reflect reality.
Maybe the report minimises family violence.
Maybe it reframes years of coercive control as “high conflict.”
Maybe it recommends time arrangements that you know are unsafe or developmentally inappropriate for your children.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
As a post-separation parenting coach, I work with protective parents every day who find themselves in this exact situation - reading a document that has influence in the Family Court process but fails to capture the truth of what their family has lived through.
This article — and the companion episode of The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast — unpacks:
What it means when a Family Report isn’t in your favour
Why reports so often miss or mislabel coercive control
What options you actually have
How to stay calm, clear, and strategic when the system gets it wrong
1. A Family Report Is Evidence — Not a Verdict
A Family Report is evidence, not a ruling.
It’s one piece of the puzzle the Court considers when deciding what’s in the best interests of your children.
Yes, it carries weight - but judges are not bound to adopt every recommendation.
There are many cases where judges have departed from or criticised reports for flawed reasoning or poor understanding of family violence.
So, if your report feels unfair or unsafe, don’t assume the outcome is set.
You still have agency - and options.
2. Why Family Reports Get It So Wrong
Australia has a professional competence crisis in family report writing.
In 2021, the Attorney-General’s Department sought feedback on how to improve standards.
The response? Report writers urgently need training in family violence, trauma-informed practice, child development, and coercive control identification.
Meanwhile, research from the University of Queensland, published in the British Journal of Psychiatry, found that children exposed to intimidation and control - coercive control - had more than double the odds of developing PTSD.
And yet, those same behaviours are still being written off as communication issues or mutual conflict.
That isn’t neutrality - it’s professional negligence.
3. The Legacy of Outdated Law
Although the presumption of equal shared parental responsibility was removed from the Family Law Act in 2024, its legacy remains.
Many professionals still act as though “maximum time with both parents” is the ultimate goal, even in the face of serious safety concerns.
That mindset means protective parents are often labelled uncooperative or gatekeeping when they’re simply prioritising safety.
Until professional culture catches up with the law, reports that misinterpret coercive control will continue to harm families.
4. What to Do When the Report Isn’t in Your Favour
Step 1: Pause Before Reacting
You will feel everything - anger, grief, disbelief. That’s normal.
The first 24–48 hours after receiving the report are for regulation, not strategy.
Ground your nervous system before taking any action.
Step 2: Seek Informed Legal Advice
Find a family violence-competent lawyer, not just a general family lawyer.
If you’re eligible for Legal Aid, you can request a second opinion.
Free services such as Women’s Legal Service can also provide guidance.
Step 3: Read Strategically, Not Emotionally
Focus not only on the recommendations but on how the report represents each parent’s statements.
Note any omissions, distortions, contradictions or reframing of coercive control as “conflict.”
Keep factual notes - they can later support cross-examination or legal submissions.
Step 4: Clarify or Challenge
Your legal team may be able to request clarification or a supplementary report if key issues were missed.
Step 5: Remember - Judges Can Often See Through It
Reports carry weight but they are not gospel.
When presented with calm, evidence-based challenges, many judges recognise when a report lacks trauma competence.
5. The Class Divide: When Justice Depends on Money
Private clients can afford to challenge reports.
Legal Aid clients - often mothers and victim-survivors - are frequently told to “just accept it.”
That’s not justice.
That’s coercion baked into the system.
If that’s you, please hear this: you are not failing.
You are surviving a structure that still doesn’t know how to protect you, and frankly was never really designed to.
6. What You Can Still Control
Even inside a broken system, you still control:
Clarity - how you communicate your child’s needs.
Composure - regulating before every interaction.
Documentation - keeping factual, dated records.
Focus - centring safety and wellbeing, not fairness for adults.
These are strategic strengths - not small things.
7. When You’re Ready, Get Support
You don’t have to face this process alone.
If you need help debriefing, you can book a 1:1 coaching session with me or my team.
Together we can:
Refine your communication strategy for court or mediation
Rebuild your calm and confidence
You can also access my digital guide Preparing for Your Family Report in the online shop,
or as part of The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ — see Module 20: Legal Considerations.
8. Final Thoughts
A flawed Family Report doesn’t define you - it reveals the cracks in a flawed system.
Your job isn’t to convince everyone the system is broken; it’s to stay calm, credible, and relentlessly child-focused while you work within it.
You can’t control the competence of a report writer.
But you can control how you respond.
And when you respond with calm, clarity, and truth, you become the one thing the system can’t distort.
Listen to the Podcast Episode
71. “When the Family Report Gets it Wrong”
on The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast — available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and through my website.
Free Resources
The Post-Separation Abuse Checklist & Workbook
The Capacity Challenge (3-Step Framework)
5 Critical Mistakes Parents Make in Early Separation
