What is a Strategic Separation & Divorce Coach, and why do you need one?
Even when it’s amicable, a relationship breakdown is one of the most challenging things that people will ever face.
The stakes are even higher if you have been the victim of control or other forms and abuse, particularly if you are concerned that your ex is not going to let go of the control just because the relationship is over. Unfortunately, continued attempts to control after separation are very common.
After separation, it might feel like you are in a battle regarding money, property or even your kids.
We know how upsetting and frustrating it is when you want an ‘amicable’ and low-conflict separation, yet your former partner’s personality and behaviour gets in the way of reasonable conversation and compromise.
Having strategic, high-level holistic support in the form of an experienced specialist Separation, Divorce and Co-Parenting Coach can increase your odds of achieving a positive outcome, and preserving your sanity, health and wellbeing in the process.
Working with us also means that you are less likely to give in to the demands of a controlling former partner just to ‘get it over with’.
Giving in to demands doesn’t end the conflict forever, it just compromises your outcome.
Separating from, divorcing and co-parenting with a controlling high-conflict person is an experience that is difficult to put into words.
Having labels or diagnoses for your ex, like “narcissist”, “ADHD” or “bipolar” can sometimes help to describe personality and behaviour patterns.
Yet, without specialised resources and strategic support, having a label for your ex is just going to keep you stuck and focused on them - exactly where they want your focus to be.
Labelling or attempting to 'diagnose' your ex (with a personality disorder, mental illness or neurodivergence) also has the potential to severely undermine your credibility, and may negatively impact your experience and outcome in mediation or court.
You may have already been endlessly seeking a better way of doing things - but have been left feeling overwhelmed and confused.
Searching for a “silver bullet”…or waiting it out, hoping that things will magically get better on their own…
This can lead to feeling paralysed by worry and confusion.
We’re going to tell you a secret….
It’s not your fault.
You were probably never taught about the red flags of controlling high-conflict people, and you definitely weren’t prepared for the nightmarish reality of separating from a controlling person with high-conflict personality traits and behaviours.
You probably aren’t aware of the realities of family law and the court system, including how your presentation can affect how you are viewed by the Judge, mediators, Court Child Experts and even your own lawyer.
It can be a struggle to manage your ex-partners twisted version of reality - a series of lies that may paint you as the aggressor, (or as being ‘crazy’ or ‘paranoid’) and you don’t know how to best protect yourself from false allegations, such as; ‘alienation’, ‘withholding, and ‘gatekeeping’ (three favourite accusations used by abusers and their lawyers).
Instead, you may be relying on your former partner calming down, and becoming reasonable, if you give in to them, and be nice to them. They’ll calm down eventually right?
Wrong.
